I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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