If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
