I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We are all done wearing pants today
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize