wat bout pragnant strippers??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
