You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I met the friendliest cop last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
