i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
