I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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