I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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