I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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