I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
