things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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