so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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