The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
