your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
