i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
