listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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