I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need to calm my uterus...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
