there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
