I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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