woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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