i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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