We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
