There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize