I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
