My liver just broke up with me...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
