end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize