1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize