Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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