What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
