Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
