So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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