I just threw up on my dentist
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He felt like a one man threesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
