I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
