look no pants
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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