dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
