I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
