just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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