Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
