she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
