PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
