and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
