i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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