A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
