i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize