Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
