I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she peed on how many people?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
