it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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