drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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