Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
