ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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