WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
