i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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