If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
