She's JV to your varsity
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize