this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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