The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
