Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
