So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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