her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
