well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
