As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
