Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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