This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's shark week go big or go home
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
