My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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