Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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