I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
