and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
