Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
